The last week has been a hard one for me. Last Tuesday I started spotting lightly. I called my nurse and asked her about it. She told me that it was perfectly fine, as long as it was light, and to keep watching it. If I wanted to I could come in for an U/S to make sure everything was fine. The spotting didn't get too bad, but I did start cramping a little that afternoon/evening.
I went to bed that night, and woke up around 1:30 with really bad cramps. Bad enough that I couldn't get comfortable, and tossed and turned for a while. I decided to move out to the couch at 3:00 am, and figured I'd call later that morning to get an appt for an U/S. But then I felt a gush of blood, along with clots. I started crying and called W, who was out of town. I told him I was sure I was miscarrying and just cried. He was pretty upset and sad. He said he'd see if he could possibly leave a day early to come home. We hung up and tried to get more sleep, but neither of us were really able to. He called again at 6:00, and said they were packing up to come home. I waited until 8 and called to set up my appt. The nurse told me not to worry just yet, because it didn't mean I was miscarrying.
I went in at 10:00 that Wednesday morning. The dr was quick to get things moving, and found the heart still beating on our little one. He pointed out that I had a subchorionic hemorrhage, which can cause spotting and cramping, but wasn't anything to worry about. I left there very relieved and cried in the car. I took the day off from work to take it easy. W was driving home still and I hung out with my mom and sister for the day. Once W got home I headed home to hang out with him.
I had been cramping throughout the afternoon and my tylenol wasn't helping at this point. W and I sat on the couch talking about it all and saying how grateful we were that things were okay. I had a couple more small gushes of blood and told W I don't know how I'm going to stay sane if this bleeding keeps up like this. The cramps were bad enough that I decided to get in the tub, and had W put the shower head right on my pelvis. It did help to ease the pain for a while. But at 6:00 I had a very large clot, including fleshy stuff, come out. W and I both freaked out at seeing such a large clot and decided we'd better save it in a plastic bag. I passed another big clot and then the bleeding wouldn't stop. At about 6:30, we realized this was bad. I tried to put on 2 different pairs of underwear, before soaking through them in less than a minute. W called the on call doctor who told us to go to the ER.
W got towels set up in his car and I was able to hurry and get dressed and grab a few things to head to the hospital. Lots of bleeding and clots kept passing on our way to the hospital. W had them bring out a wheel chair for me so I wouldn't have to walk in with blood on me. I'm so glad I was in a wheel chair, because I got sick really quickly after waiting in the waiting room. I started throwing up and then feeling really sick and passed out. They were able to get me back to a room pretty quickly and hooked up to an IV. I soaked through 6 layers of towels, along with my clothes and the pads/wash clothes I had on. The bleeding continued as the doctor did an exam, which was not a fun experience. They had given me medicine for the nausea, but I didn't have anything for the pain. The exam hurt a lot, and the doctor wasn't as gentle as he could've been. I got some morphine and felt comfortable for a little bit. We went back for an U/S and the tech said there was no longer a heartbeat. It was so crazy to me that 8 or 9 hours later things had changed so much.
As we waited for all the test results to come back, I started feeling sick again. My IV was empty and I had already pushed the button to have the nurse come back in to give me more medicine. W gave me a bag and I sat up to throw up. It all came on so suddenly that W decided to hurry and grab a wash cloth to help cool me down. As he moved from the bed, I passed out and hit my ear on the side rail of my bed. By the time I came to, he already had me in his arms apologizing for walking away for a second. The RN didn't seem too concerned by it, just hooked up the IV bag and left again. W just kept saying he felt so bad, but he was doing more than enough to try and help.
The ER doctor came back in to let us know that the sac had already passed, and so my bleeding should've stopped by now. They called in their OB/GYN, Dr. N to do a D&C on me. Dr. N was so nice and I felt comfortable with him right away. He was so sorry for us and explained what he was going to do. Once his team was there, they wheeled me back for the surgery. The nurse was so sweet and kind. She reminded me a lot of my mom, which I was so grateful for at that time. They had to put a tube down my throat, since I'd eaten a banana on the way to the hospital. I was already knocked out at the time, but they had to wake me up to help them get it out. My throat was sore and my mouth was so dry. The post surgery nurse was also wonderful. She made me comfortable and was also so sweet about such a rough thing.
We don't have an answer as to what could've been the cause. We are told this is such a rare occurrence. That the hemorrhage is perfectly normal and really shouldn't have been the cause. Dr. N pointed out that we really only had a 5% chance of miscarrying when we did. While I could choose to focus on the negative of it, I have to hope that means it won't happen again in the future. I emailed Dr. P about it and he said that an important thing to remember is that when we miscarry it is our bodies way of rejecting a potentially bad set of chromosomes. He also said that we have great percentages of success in the future with our frozen embryos.
I can't end the post without also sharing how great W was to me. I am so grateful that he was home to be with me, and feel like maybe there was a reason I didn't miscarry any sooner. He didn't get grossed out with all the blood that I lost. He was there to comfort me the whole time and really helped me feel comfortable. He answered text messages from my mom and sisters, and kept them updated the whole night. He cried with me and held my hand. He kept kissing my forehead and cheek and making sure I was okay. I am so lucky to have him with me through this. If there is one good thing I can find to come out of it, is feeling more and more close to him through it all. We are in this together, and of course it's hard, but I really can get through anything with him at my side. I love him so much and feel that same love from him.
