Transfer Done

We went in for my transfer on Monday morning (9/16/13) and got a picture of our 2 strongest embryos.  It is pretty cool to see.  The doctor told us we still had 12 embryos, but there was 2 that had already slowed down in splitting, so to expect them to not survive.  He asked us how many embies we wanted to implant.  Told us with one, which he recommends, he'd give it a 55-60% chance of working, and still have a 3-11% chance of the embryo splitting to give us identical twins.  If we were to put in 2, he said the odds of twins was 40%, but along with that comes the big risks of having twins.  Premature birth, breath troubles, ADD, autism, learning disabilities.  We had already planned on just putting in 1, so that's what we did.  He chose the strongest one, with the "afro", as we called it.  There was a dark sort of thing on the outside, that resembled hair, which they explained was a really good thing.  It was a cell that helps to keep bacteria and bad cells away from the embryo. (Side note: we had 6 embryos by this point.  So 5 are now frozen.)

After they were done, they gave us a picture of the embryo in my uterus.  I started to ask him if they knew what side the embryo was at, meaning would I know which side it implants on?  Before I could finish, he said "It's a boy, congratulations."  Which cracked me and Will up.  I love that we can joke around with Dr. P and feel so much confidence in him.  As he was leaving, I said I wish I could give you a hug right now.  He said You can give me a hug when I see you at your first pregnancy ultrasound.  He gives us so much hope that this will work.

I spent Monday and Tuesday on strict bed rest.  I had lunch brought to me by my sisters.  Lazed around and caught up on shows.  Wednesday, I took it easy but wasn't confined to bed.  My friends came over to do crafts and brought me lunch.  It was so nice all the texts and phone calls from my friends and family.  It's so nice to have so many people rooting for us and wanting this to work, just as much as we do.  I can't wait for the test and for it to finally be positive and stick!  It's going to be an exciting time in our lives.  I'm choosing to be positive and happy that it will work.  I would be crushed regardless, so why carry doubt around now?  This is going to work!  We'll have us a baby by June!

Our baby embies!

I got the call from the Embryologist this morning.  He said we have 12 embryos growing right now!  We had 17 eggs, and only have lost 5 so far!   I couldn't be happier!  He'll call us on Sunday to give me an update on our embies and set a time for the transfer on Monday!  It almost feels too good to be true, but I'm going to choose to revel in this happiness!  Things are working out so well, I'm so pleased!

Egg Retrieval

The egg retrieval is done!  W and I went at 7:30 to our clinic.  They brought me back and had me get changed into a gown, got my IV started and then went over everything with Dr. J.  They brought me back to a room with a chair with stirup pedals on either side.  Then tilted me way back, leaving me rather exposed, ha.  They gave me some medicine, that made me "forget" or think I was asleep the whole time.  At one point I "woke" up and felt a little bit of pain.  I could see there was 3 doctors working on me, and when I stirred one of them put their hand on my knee, and the nurse rubbed my shoulder.  It was really comforting to have them there.  Once they were done, they brought me back to my recovery room, which I don't remember going to.  I remember W coming in, and thought I fell asleep for a time, but later found out I must've closed my eyes for a couple minutes, because I was talking to W about how it went, etc.  He said I couldn't stop smiling the whole time we were in the room, but I just felt so happy to have that part over with!  They had me eat some crackers and drink some juice and then let me get dressed to go home.  I felt a little bit sore, and tired, but couldn't stop feeling so happy!

I told W later last night that I love the staff at our clinic.  As we start in the recovery room, before even doing the retrieval, the receptionist walked in the back door to clock in and immediately grinned and waved.  As we were leaving (they wheeled me out in a wheelchair), the doctor was so sweet to notice and say goodbye, as well as one of the nurses reached out to grab my hand and say good luck!  I feel so much love and support from people who do this daily.  I'm just another patient, but they have done so well at making me feel as though I'm the only person there.  They are rooting for this to work, and it's so nice having such a great team on my side.

After we got home, W got ready to go into work and I got all my meds together and made myself an inclining bed in our bed, since I couldn't lay flat yesterday.  I ate my little donuts and sipped on my gatorade.  I was able to sleep for a couple hours, then moved over to the couch and got comfortable there.  My sister K came over with fries and a shake and we watched The Sound of Music.  W decided to stay late since K was hanging out with me.  I realized a little after 6, that it was time for my first progesterone shot and realized I was going to have to do the shot myself.  We got everything ready, looked at the instruction video a couple times.  I got the inject site ready, but couldn't make myself jam the 2 inch needle into my butt.  So K stepped up and did the shot for me.  It was a funny thing, as she jammed it in and made me start giggling.  I tried to control it, since she couldn't concentrate enough to do the injection, but kept starting up again a few seconds later.  The spot is pretty sore today, like a good bruise on the muscle.  I'm really hoping we don't have to do the progesterone injections for too long.  I'm hoping we can do the suppositories after all the Lupron is out of my system.  It will make life a whole lot easier, knowing W will soon be travelling for work and I don't know that I'll ever be able to do these shots on myself.

They got 17 eggs yesterday, which was so exciting to hear!  I'll hear from the embryologist tomorrow about how many survived into embryos and when the day of transfer will be.  I'm really hoping for a good amount of embryos, and would really like to do a 5 day transfer on Monday with Dr. P.  For now, I'm reveling in having one big hurdle crossed and being one step closer to being pregnant!

Girlfriends

I wanted to write a quick post about how great of girlfriends I have.  I had my group of high school girlfriends over to my house on Friday night.   All of us girls have been friends since high school, some of us since Jr. High.  We may not see each other more than a couple times year, at times, but we never miss a beat.  We always pick back up where we left off and have the best time.  Friday was no exception!  I am so grateful to have them as my friends and the night couldn't have gone better.

We enjoyed dinner and lots of talking and laughing.  They asked about our IVF cycle and listened to me ramble on about details that most people never even think about.  After dinner B did my Chakra balance, which was so healing and wonderful.  She asked me to say a prayer on my own before we did it, and I did asking for an open mind and for a chance to heal from my past pain and hurt.  To move forward and would know what steps to take.  I also asked for a blessing on the cycle that it could work, but that if it still isn't our time, then to help me not hold onto anger and bad feeling surrounding it.  Help us to heal and to move forward towards having our family.

B's blessing during the balance said a lot of the same things.  She pointed out feelings I've been holding onto that really made me release a lot of anger and hurt I've been feeling for a long time.  It was a pretty amazing prayer she said and I immediately felt a weight lifted off my chest, in my stomach and on my shoulders.  I felt like my girlfriends had a chance to see a little bit into what I've felt for over 2 years now.  I was able to hug each of my friends and feel so much love from them.  How grateful I am to have them through this journey!

After the chakra balance we stayed together talking and laughing and enjoying the evening.  We had lots of yummy food, lots of laughs and a few tears shed together.  I loved it and feel like it did wonders for my heart and mind.  At the end of the evening. B got out some essential oils and went over the ones she loves and uses the most.  She gave us all samples of what she had and let us ask about things that we could use each day. 

On Saturday I woke up feeling so great!  The bruises on my stomach didn't seem to hurt as bad and my mood was so happy and light.  I really do think that girlfriends and a prayer we share together can make a world of difference.  I'm def going to require we all get together more often, because I'm not the only one going through ups and downs in life, and I want everyone to get a chance to experience how good I am feeling.

Progressing nicely

We had our final monitoring ultrasound this morning.  Got to meet Dr. J, who was fantastic, and she said everything looks great.  She had me get my blood drawn to check my Estradiol levels (which ended up being 4103) and went over our next steps.  The nurse just called to let us know that we will do our Lupron trigger tonight and will do our egg retrieval on Wednesday morning.  I'm nervous, but I'm so excited!  Things are moving quickly and that just means less time to sit and wait.  The waiting will come later, after the transfer and we do the 2 week wait to know if it worked or not.

So our stimulation injections are done!  We had an U/S on Saturday with Dr. H and started the Cetrotide on Saturday night.  That was an experience in itself.  There was a football game that night, so I'd talked to my dad about how to get the cooler near the stadium, so I could go give myself the injections during the game.  He talked to my uncle, who would be driving my grandpa down and be parking in the parking lot with his pass.  W and I got the shots and supplies all ready and I dropped the cooler off at my uncles house before the game.  But the game was delayed by 2 hours for weather, so I felt a bit of anxiety in needing to be sure I got the shots done on time.  But it worked out perfectly.  The rain lessened, the kick off time was re-announced and we made our way to the car.  Hurriedly rushed people off to the game, so I could break open the cooler and "sneakily" get my injects done.  It was a sight to see, with alcohol wipes open and wrappers from different needles and all the shots ready to go, on the seat.  At one point I was drawing my syringe full of one of the meds, and my cousin came back to the car to drop something off...Don't know if he has any idea what's going on, but I didn't have time to care much, ha ha.  But we only had 2 days of doing 3 injections, which W was thrilled about.

We'll do our Lupron trigger shot tonight at 8:00 PM.  Tomorrow night, after dinner I will take my Doxycycline, then no food/drink after midnight.  Wednesday morning, we're to arrive at 7:30.  W is to take his last Doxycycline before we go.  I'll go in for my retrieval, and he'll leave his sample.  I'll rest for about an hour after, then go home to rest for the remainder of the day.  I'll continue my Doxycycline until the transfer, and will also take a med called Cabergoline.   I'll find out more then, about when they expect the retrieval date to be.  But I'm hoping for a Sunday or Monday transfer. I'll also start taking Estrace (Estradiol) and progesterone in oil for the first trimester of my pregnancy, but start the day of the retrieval.

Blog Reading

I found this blog called Hakuna Matata (yes the song is always in my head when I read it) and the girl is so funny.  I feel like she and I truly would be friends, aside from all this infertility crap we deal with.  And not only is she funny, but she can put into words the things I've felt so many times, and makes me feel not so alone.  This post brought up some memories of my own, and I just wanted to remember the post.

http://auntmimi2010.blogspot.com/2012/10/screw-you.html

As much love as I have for my niece and nephew, I do feel a sense of sadness at times, that I don't have that yet.  I want to play in the yard on summer nights, or cuddle to watch a movie or break out the coloring books and crayons and spend an evening doing those simple things with my own kids.  I know that we're getting closer to having that...But I can't say it's here yet, so that sadness still lingers. 

We had our first *real* IVF monitoring ultrasound today with Dr. H.  I really liked him and his gentle manner.   I've got follies growing (I forgot the paperwork on the nurse's desk, so I don't have an exact number.) on both sides and will continue on with my injections as is.  I go back on Saturday morning to see how things are progressing.  It's exciting to see those follies up on the screen, and I am so hopeful that we'll get lots of big, healthy follies for my eggs to grow in.  I just keep thinking that the tender stomach, the cramps and headaches will all be worth it in the end, if I can just have a good outcome.  I'm ready for my take home baby...and will do whatever it takes, and spend more money to get there.

And...We're off!

What a crazy week this past week was!  Last Monday, after realizing that our IVF cycle was too close to our once a year inventory, I called to talk to the nurse about the possibility of missing 9/27.  She said it was a very good possibility that we'd do the transfer on the 25th or 26th, meaning I'd be on bed rest on the 27th, and would miss work.  So I called my boss (who was off that day) and asked him how he felt about me possibly missing inventory.  I was really upset already, but it didn't show him how important it was for me to keep my cycle as is, instead of waiting another month.  He told me that he needed me there to help with the computer side of inventory and didn't know what he'd tell the rest of the employees as to why Darla got to miss inventory, but they couldn't.  I explained it all and that it looked like I'd have to wait another month to do the cycle with my doctor and he said "It's just another month."  To him it's another month, but to me it was feeling like a failed cycle and was crushing me.  I spent the rest of the day on the verge of tears, and crying outside.  I felt sad that we'd have to wait longer and angry that my boss wasn't showing any sort of empathy towards the situation.  I've had the cycle planned for almost 2 months, and the date for inventory was just set the week before.  I felt like my boss doesn't truly have respect for me or cares about the work that I put in.  He's only concerned about himself and how much of the load he'll have to take on and how he will have to answer to the others that work with us.  But he could've said we could look into finding a way to make it work.  We could have someone from our corporate office come out to help, we could have he and I do the computer side of inventory later in the weekend.  But that's not the way it went.  I will just do my job and hope that the dedication I've shown pays off.

On Tuesday, I tried to call first thing in the morning to talk to my nurse about possibly being moved into the soonest IVF cycle, so I could still have Dr. P do my Embryo Transfer.  She didn't call me until 2:30, and by then my doctor was already gone and I had to wait until the following day to hear back about it.  I was anxious and nervous all day, and once again didn't get a call until about 1:30 and she said that Dr. P and Dr. J, who will be the doctor over my cycle, both ok'd us to join this cycle.  So I took my last BC Pill last Wednesday.  On Friday we had our first appt, and paid the $8900 for the cycle.  We had an ultrasound with a different doctor.  He found a follicle on my right ovary, which he said needed to be checked out to see if it was still active.  On my left ovary he found a cyst, that he thought was filled with endometrosis.  He said he needed to get in contact with Dr. P and we could possibly have to wait to start our cycle if things didn't look right. 

We met with Nurse H, and went over the medications and ultrasounds we'd have starting on 9/2.  She called it all in and sent us over to the hospital to get the meds ($1600.00 worth of meds!), and get blood drawn from the lab.  I wasn't sure what to feel...I couldn't quite believe that after all the chaos and headache to get in to this cycle, we could have it be cancelled.  I felt annoyed that I'd never had anyone point out a endemetrosis cyst to me before, when it's been there since June.  But I was starting to worry that my Estrodial levels would be high, and they'd make us wait longer to start.  But W and I went on with our plans.  We got ready for our weekend camping trip and figured we'd find out later in the weekend, when I got my voicemail, whether or not we'd continue with this cycle.  But on our way to camp, I got the call from Nurse H, who said that the estrogen level was less than 20 and we were good to go!  It made me feel so relieved and happy!  Now we could really enjoy our weekend!

Enjoy the weekend we did.  We found a great spot camping, enjoyed a couple more nights of adult beverages and time together.  Then we came home and got some things done around the house.  I had my last coffee yesterday and it was so yummy!  Then yesterday evening we did our first shots.  W and I worked together to get the Repronex all ready and W gave me the shot.  That one stung a bit going in, and was a little tender after, but today I really feel the tenderness that shot left behind.  I decided to wear a skirt, and I am glad I did.  I think jeans would be pressing on the spot more and making me quite uncomfortable.  We also did a shot of Gonal F, which wasn't bad at all.  We'll do the Repronex and Gonal F the entire time.  Then after our Thursday U/S, they'll possibly change dosages of that, and add in Cetrotide to the mix.  This will help me not ovulate, until they are ready for me to.  Once they are ready for me to ovulate and do the Egg Retrieval, they'll have me use Lupron as my trigger shot.  Then I get the joy of doing progesterone injections for a good long time.  But, whatever gets us a take home baby, I'll do it!