I feel incredibly happy today! W and I went to see our fertility doctor for the first time this morning, and it went so well. We both took a liking to the office, the nurse who got us started and Dr. P. He was amazing, kind and personable. He got right to the point, asking us questions and had answers without having to think about things. He was so confident, which in turn makes us confident. He said that he likes to treat his patients as if they were his daughters. That he would never recommend anything to me, if he didn't think it would help me. I love that he immediately made me feel at ease, and less of a doctor/patient feeling. He made sure we understood all the things he was talking about, and went through each option thoroughly. He gave us time to ask questions and answered them easily.
He is putting W on some vitamins to help his sperm be healthy and told him to cut back on coffee, as well as gave him a prescription to quit smoking for good. No more of this back and forth stuff. W seems ready to make the change and I think having Dr. P be so confident in him really helps. Sure, he still has a long road ahead of him, but because he's already been trying to quit, I think that will also help me. Dr, P has me scheduled to go back next month, right before our vacation, to check out my tubes and make sure there are no cysts or polyps, and that my tubes are open and things are able to get through them. He is putting me on Femara and will give me a trigger shot, to help us time our trying while on vacation. He had my blood drawn today, (which only took 3 different pricks and 2 nurses to do. Ha Ha) to test the AMH levels, to see how old my eggs are. He wants to jump right in, in Feb with an IUI. He wants to keep me on Femara and do the trigger shots with the IUI, as well.
He told us he only wants to see me 2 times. Once this morning, and then again to check out my tubes. He'll have his nurse(s) do the IUI for us. He said he will see us again, when we bring our baby in to see him. W and I left the appt feeling so happy and excited about our next step(s). He has put the excitement back into this process for us, and I'm so grateful for that. Sure, it's not spontaneous and romantic, but it gives W and I less to stress over and more time to continue building up our relationship. We are able to focus on the things we can control and let Dr. P take more control of this part of the process. We are putting our trust in him, and feeling really good about that.
Another couple of things that I liked about the appointment, too. He wrote on my chart that he saw me for "painful periods", so our insurance won't refuse to pay. That is so cool. He knows we'll pay enough out of pocket to have a baby, why do we have to start now? He included the blood tests into today's appt, so that won't be anymore out of our pockets either. As he was listening to my heart, he asked if I was a runner, when I replied yes, he said "Yep, you have a runner's heart." Although, that had nothing to do with anything else today, it made me feel good knowing that my running is helping me. It's also nice to have a doctor able to tell such a thing. He told me I need to "fatten" up a little bit, since my BMI is low. He didn't push me too much on that, just said I'd need some fat on my stomach to do the trigger shots, ha ha.
I'm feeling really grateful this week, and especially today. W was out of town for 7 weeks, and I've gotten to spend time with him in the last few days and it makes me happy. He makes me laugh and is silly with me and I love that about him. He has a way of making me want to be better. With this appt out of the way, I feel like I can really enjoy the holidays and look forward to our vacation next month, and not stress about what the future holds for having a baby. We are blessed to get to go away on vacation and to have the vacation already paid for. We've worked hard for what we have and where we're at, and it's finally paying off. I can't wait for 2013 and for our journey to continue. 2012 will fade away and be a memory, one day. All the heartache of 2011 and 2012 won't matter, as our puzzle pieces fall into place. I hope and pray that our journey goes the way I'm hoping.
Wednesday, December 19, 2012
Friday, December 14, 2012
Today...
I've felt heavy in my heart today. I learned last night that W is coming home, after being gone for 7 weeks, and am really happy and excited for it! But a part of me is feeling a bit nervous about our Dr. appt next week. I'm feeling scared and sad about the coming months and can't get rid of the "what if's" that linger in the back of my mind. I've been reading this blog for a few weeks now, and have gone all the way back to the beginning, so I could read her whole story. I am so grateful that I've found this blog. This girl speaks so many things that I've thought of before, and really helps me figure out what all my feelings/emotions are, when I can't quite make sense of them. The post I was reading today is from Dec 15, 2010. We were one month into trying, and I thought we'd be pregnant by Christmas and sharing the happy news soon thereafter. But, that was not the case, obviously. I was realizing that her post was written almost exactly 2 years ago, and how different I feel about the whole TTC. It's definitely been a road I never thought I'd travel. It's also one that has made me a more bitter and negative person. I question the way things work out, all the time. I can't understand why it happens so easily for some and is so heart wrenching for others. Egghunt puts it perfectly in this blog post and lets me see that my feelings aren't that far from the "normal" infertile person. I'm not alone in the stages of grieving that I go through each month. I'm not alone in the heartache/anger/confusion/sick-to-my-stomach feelings I get when I hear another pregnancy announcement. It's so nice to have my feelings validated in a way, by only reading someone else's blog.
Christmas hasn't felt very merry this year. I told myself we were going to take a break (as if I actually had any say, with W being out of town) and that I'd "enjoy" the holidays and not feel any pressure. But it just doesn't work that way. You don't get to just say you're taking a break, and then stop thinking about it. Egghunt talks about being a Grinch, and how she said she'd never be one of those people. It's one of those things that you think you can control, you can forget about the months into years of heartache and just enjoy this festive time of year. It isn't as easy as it looks.
Anyway, I wanted to have this post saved, and share it with others. I want to remember that through all of this, I am not alone.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)