I am happy today. Each morning when my alarm goes off, I lay in bed for a bit looking at Facebook or my email and just allowing myself time to wake up. I might snuggle with J and stay warm under the covers a few extra minutes. Well this morning was no different, but as I was getting on Facebook, J decided she would make herself comfortable on my back, which made me laugh. I snapped a picture of her after she’d moved off my back, and I could see that she was still just waiting for me to get up and do something with her.
Today I am feeling optimistic and happy about things. Maybe because the sun is shining and is expected to stick around all weekend. Maybe it’s because I just found out that W won’t end up being out of town for 2 whole weeks again. Maybe it’s because W’s stepmom is doing a lot better and that means his dad won’t end up living with us for another 2 months. (He’s been there 2 weeks, and it’s very draining, even though I love him.) Maybe it’s because I get to have lunch with a good friend who’s in town. Maybe it’s because 2 of my best friends are coming over to keep me company tonight and do some crafts. I am excited to try out a new bottle of wine I got. (It’s a sweet Riesling) I am excited to work on my wall collage and happy that I have some good company to be around. Maybe it’s because when I got home from work yesterday I saw little plants growing in my starter kit I began this past Sunday. Maybe it’s because I get to start my garden this weekend and am excited to plant peas this summer! Maybe it’s because my daffodil plants are already popping up, and the signs of new life make me happy. Maybe it’s the bonus check I got today, and the tax return on it’s way. Maybe it’s the fact that with this extra money, we get to pay down my car and have zero credit card debt. It gets us motivated to keep paying things down and excited about what the future could be for us. Maybe it was talking to a best friend about her share of heartache she’s had and knowing I’m not alone. She miscarried a couple weeks after me, after her doctor diagnosed her with a Blighted Ovum too. I feel humbled and sad that I was so focused on all of my heartache, I didn’t think to reach out to others to see if I could be a good friend in their time of need. I feel grateful that I wasn’t as far along as this friend was, so I didn’t have to go through labor and delivery (and all alone, no less).
I feel grateful that W and I have a bright future ahead, no matter how much heartache/pain I’ve been through and could still go through, I will always have him by my side. He’s willing to work hard for the chance for me to stay at home with our kids and I love him for that. We’ve overcome obstacles and it’s made us stronger. He makes me laugh and turns my dark days around, just by being him. He is my best friend. That should be enough to keep me happy and optimistic. I need to remember this, when I feel like life has let me down and everything just isn’t fair. I need to learn to be happy for a pregnant girl around me, because I’ll never know what they went through to have this miracle happen for them. I will work harder at doing more for my friends and family who are pregnant or have a new little one at home. I can’t let their fortunes become my mistfortunes. (Wise words my awesome hubby told me) I need to remember that there is always someone out there dealing with something worse than me. I feel blessed to have the friends and family I do, that are always there for me. They let me be who I am and never judge me for it. I am so amazed at how willing they are to cheer me on and pray for me and want those things for me, almost as much as I want them for myself. I’m sure I will still have days I am sad or mad about things, but I do have things pretty good. I feel very blessed.
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