Empty

I’m having a lot of mixed emotions today.  Yesterday I thought to myself that I was probably finally getting over a big hump and was able to even make a joke about “that one time I was pregnant” to my sisters.  But today, for some reason I’ve felt a bit sad.

I woke up happy that it was Friday, and was excited to be spending the weekend with W.  But work kinda tore me down slowly with my boss and a coworker making a few jabs at me throughout the day.  I went to lunch, welcoming the break from work.  But as I was leaving I got a text from W informing that he’ll be heading back out of town on Monday for an undetermined amount of time.  Then I went through the drive through for lunch, and the girl I always see there, is pregnant.  Even though I’d already noticed she was pregnant, for some reason today it really struck a chord and I broke down in tears as soon as I drove away from the window.  I just almost don’t know what I’m feeling.  I feel a little empty today and kind of like I do the same thing day in, day out and don’t really have any real purpose in life.  I’ve had so much focus on working hard to pay down debt and always think about the end in sight.  But right now, there isn’t an end in sight.  I just work, hoping that we’ll get pregnant soon and I’ll get to stay at home.  But how do I set goals, when I don’t have a time frame to work towards?